The best ways to communicate with me

At some point, I suppose you’ll want to talk to me…

We’re all busy people and we all have different styles of communicating, so I’m detailing mine here for you.

One day, everyone will learn the ways of asynchronous communication and it will be wonderful. No more (Slack|Teams) messages like this:

Hi Phil, how are you?

…and then nothing. Nothing at all.

I cannot count the times that I’ve not been at my desk during those moments, but then returned hours—or sometimes days—later to respond and ask what they wanted. And 4 times out of 5, they’ve forgotten by then. Or solved their problem. Or the time-sensitive issue has expired. Or any number of reasons.

This wastes so much time for both of us. Say the Thing.

See also: No Hello.

• I’m autistic and chronically ill, so if you ask how are you?, I WILL TELL YOU. In great detail.
• I’m autistic and chronically ill, so hope you’re well is never going to be positive, because I’m never well.
• I’m autistic with anxiety, so I’m possibly running all manner of scenarios through my head about why you want to speak to me—particularly if you outrank me.
• I’m autistic with ADHD, so you pulled me out of The Zone™ for… that!? You may as well follow-up with J/K GTG and log off.
• I’m autistic, so I don’t do small talk; you’ll most likely get 👋 as a response.

Say the Thing.

We can all do a bit better with our communication, so here’s how I’d prefer you went about it instead:

Hi Phil, I’ve sent you a detailed email about something I’d like your input on whenever you’ve got a couple of hours to spare. It’s accessibility-related. Cheers.

Let’s look at why that’s better.

• I’ve already coached this person into writing their questions as emails.
• This is good because during the act of writing the email, they might solve the problem.
• If they don’t solve the problem by the end of the email, they can add my email address and hit Send. If I can’t help, all the details are handy enough for me to forward on to anyone I might know who can help.
• The short message tells me there’s an email I can read later, so they’re not hijacking my time right now. This is good, so my brain stays on target with its current task.
• The message also tells me what it relates to, and—most importantly—that it isn’t anything bad to worry about. Again, this keeps my brain on track, enough for me to respond to the message with a one-liner and then carry on with my task.

Text-based communication is always best for me. I can do video calls if necessary, but I prefer to keep them to a minimum. I find that they can be overwhelming and exhausting, especially if they’re not well-structured or if they involve a lot of small talk.

Send me an email if it’s not urgent, or a message on Slack or Teams. Embrace the nature of asynchronous communication and Ask The Thing, without expecting an immediate response. I will get back to you as soon as I can, but I may need some time to process the information and formulate a response.

• Emoji, cat pictures, and memes.
• Biscuits, cake, chocolate.
• Email.
• Slack. (Don’t forget the No Hello rule.)
• GitHub PRs.
• SMS.
• Scheduled video call.
• Scheduled telephone call (absolute last resort).

• Unscheduled video call on Slack/Teams/etc.
• Unscheduled audio call on Slack/Teams/etc.
• Unscheduled telephone call.